Cormyr and the Dalelands

So wanted to start this, I never do these but eh!


Rules are simple, dm asks for a roll of some sort and when you roll badly the response they give you is.......






Dm tells the party to roll search after a battle in the forest.    

Kald Blake my paladin, "found dirt"

"You see fish. Bloop bloop."

"You are in a forest. If you squint, you can just about make out that a forest is made of individual trees."

Not for my own toon, but for another, who failed a spot check.

"He only notices the ass he has been staring at the whole time."

"You have a foot."

Not only have you failed to jump the gorge, you managed to hit every single pointy rock on the way down. It would be later remarked by a watching witness that it almost looked like it was on purpose, but don't let that distract you from the pain of a dagger-like rock stuffed where the sun don't shine.

~BR

Less words and rolls, but still actions and consequences.

Player: *Stomps on flowers*

DM: *Spawns assassin vines on player*

In my pathfinder game there's a blind oracle in the party who has a longspear. She also only has eight strength and is usually utilizing the reach from behind a person if she decides to use it. She always misses and the flavor usually involves her poking aforementioned ally in the butt by mistake (to no real damage of course.)

This was either Lady or me, spawning stuff for Bella in her event =D

After misinterpreting Pathfinder's bloodlines and getting some confusing not-really-help from other players, I wound up rolling a sorcerer with no ranks of Knowledge Arcana (but oddly had Knowledge Planes and Knowledge Religion).  I also have the Unlearned drawback, which means I have a sorcerer who literally cannot make Knowledge Arcana checks.

We were once asked to roll Arcana checks, and I remembered I can't.  Despite the fact I had just cast Detect Magic.  The DM's response:  "Wow!  What did you just do?!  YOU'RE A WIZARD!  You spend the next several seconds staring at your hands in wonderment."

At our pnp group (me as the player): I throw my monkey head at the lamia!  Is it distracted?

Our DM: ah... yes?  Yes.  The lamia is distracted by the monkey head.

For those not in the know: My pnp character carries around a magically cured monkey head that has the alarm spell on it.  When you pull the chain on the head, it screams crazily.  I followed the adage of "even if it's bolted down, take it!"